It was not until I was watching Oprah several years ago when she concluded with tears running down her cheeks that she was an unwanted child that I got it. In fact, other things also helped me to gain a different perspective.
Now I am not seeking sympathy but in order for me to make necessary changes about how I think of me and how I live my life I have had to become brutally honest about everything. Once I acknowledged that, it was like stepping into the light.
The confusion fell from me and everything became clear. I started to have repressed memories surfacing and I began to see why my familial relationships were the way they were and they were totally different based on how I have witnessed them relating to each other.
I was never their equal and that explains a lot.
A lot has happened over the past decade and boy some things have really put me in a tailspin but I am surviving, not unscathed, but surviving nonetheless.
I am not where I want to be but thank God I am not where I used to be. It gets better once you formulate who you are and who you want to become.
And you have to ignore a lot.