In an attempt to find peace, I decided to try meditation.
Some time ago I had seen Dr. Chopra on Oprah and Dr. Oz Shows where he had demonstrated a little how to meditate, and I had tried it. At the time I never felt I had done it right and promptly lost interest right after the shows were over.
Last year, Oprah and Deepak offered a 21-day course in meditation and I decided to jump at the opportunity. Just maybe if I tried it for twenty one days, I would manage to make it work since it is said that it takes twenty one days to lose or gain a new habit.
I started late but was able to catch up because each meditation experience was available for five days afterwards, and so I did two each day.
I had no idea what to expect so I had no expectations and at first it was scary. The first morning I felt like I was on top of the universe (my interpretation of the occurrence) looking down on nothing specific, it was just a feeling like I was levitating, not my body maybe my soul.
I became aware very early in my meditations of a vision of a mannequin that was separated at the joints; those mannequins made up of parts where the limbs are more oval in shape. It was not a pile of mannequin body parts, as I could clearly see that its back was to me in the lotus position, but it was terribly disjointed and out of alignment.
As the meditations went on, I became aware that the mannequin was readjusting in alignment with the adjustments that I had been making to my own posture. Weird right? Anyhow, I soon concluded that the mannequin was a vision or mirror image of my own misalignment since it continued to adjust right along with me and soon all the joints were reconnected, even the head was straight.
Accompanying that were weird feelings in my body, like my blood and lymph vessels had opened up and the flows within were freer than ever before. My entire body got tingly and I became more aware of me. It was like I could feel the pulsations of beats as the blood circumnavigated my entire systems.
One morning the tape stopped and when I opened my eyes I was startled by the actions of our cat, Fluffy. She sat across from me on the floor under the window. Her front paws were crossed in the same way my hands would be crossed with elbows on the desk, supporting my chin, except she was on the floor. Her head was raised from that position, and she was staring at me, with eyes wide opened as if she was saying, “What the …?”
I got goose bumps but I continued to restart the tape and completed the exercise.
Unfortunately, I was unable to finish the course and was very disappointed but life went on.
Late last year, I received an email from the Chopra Centre offering me (and others is my guess since I am not that special) free meditation, a gift. I was grateful and immediately clicked on the link. Even though my time spent was less than three weeks, I had begun to like the new habit, but found it difficult to carry on, on my own without the words of encouragement from Oprah and the guidance from Deepak.
Then shortly after another one came and I started to use them consecutively. Finally in December, they offered seven days of gifts, which included yoga, meditation and words of wisdom. Armed with all that, I have been as consistent as possible in doing daily meditations.
I did not know how tense I was until I started to feel the tension receding. I am sleeping better, my anxiety has lessened and I seem to have more clarity about my life, how it started and what I need to do to make things better.
At first I felt like I was in a daze, like I needed more sleep and this was accompanied with pain especially in the areas where there was more tension; like my neck and shoulders. It is still painful but the pain has receded considerably.
Recently I was told that meditation has some demonic influences but I feel like I lost a demon more than gained one, so that is okay.
They have made the offer of another 21 days of meditation for April and I plan to hop on that bus and take my seat, which has already been booked.
Many of us survived childhood trauma only to be destroyed by the memories that linger. It behooves us, therefore, to find something to clutch on to in order that we can shed the ravages of a bad childhood and find ourselves a spot in this world where we truly feel welcome.