I walk through this life
Unexpecting
Uneasy
Non-committal
Expecting to be treated badly
With disdain
Dodging your rancour
Your abuse
Your sarcasm
My feeling of inadequacy
Is multiplied each time we meet
That never changes because I was never good enough
Yet you have expectations of me
You want me to be at your beck and call
Your gatherings
Even though I feel the strong shield of disapproval
The huge wall constructed in childhood
It's in the coldness of your eyes
The slight movement of your face that I should interpret
as a smile
It doesn't quite make it
No speaking in body language but nothing speaks louder
The vibes are pulsating, colourful, dizzying
I've learnt to trust that